How to make friends with Signal Detection Theory

There’s a concept I came across in neuroergonomics called “signal detection theory” which helps to analyze decision-making in the presence of uncertainty. And what is socializing if not that?

The basic idea is that you have things that are signals and based on the qualities of the signal, the qualities of the person detecting the signal, and the situation in which the person detects the signal, the person can either correctly receive the signal or not.

In terms of friendship, this can look like the following:

Signal properly detected

Here we see two people saying “hi” to each other in a way where both of them can notice and properly interpret the social behavior of the other.

Two cute stick figures saying hi to each other with a box at the bottom labeled "signal detected" with a check mark in the box.

Signal not detected due to noise

Here we see someone not understanding the social bid by another person because there’s too much background noise. In the real world, this can be metaphorical noise, like if you have too much life stress, or your social limits are already maxed, then you might miss a bid for friendship.

Two stick figures in a club with a lot of figures and music notes in the background. The first stick figure says "hi" with a smiley face and then second stick figure says "what?" with a confused look on their face. There's a box at the bottom that says "signal - too much noise" and an 'x' in the box.

Signal not detected due to volume

Here we see someone missing a bid for socializing because the signal from the person isn’t loud enough to grab their attention. “Volume” of the signal is influenced by all sorts of things – attention, proximity, other distractions (like a cute cat).

Two stick figures on a blank ground. The first stick figure says "hi..." in a smaller text than prior images. The second stick is facing the opposite direction with their attention focused on a cute cat. There's a box at the bottom that says "signal - not loud enough" and an 'x' in the box.

Signal not detected due to misinterpretation

Here we see both people missing a bid for socializing because the signals they are sending are not being accurately identified / interpreted by the other person (in the case of this image, one is interesting in connecting over baked goods and the other is interested in geology). Social signaling is different due to innumerable factors including cultural, generational, and subculture norms.

There are two stick figures smiling at each other. The first stick figure says "Apple pie!" the second stick figure says "Rocks!" There's a box at the bottom that says "signal - not clear enough" and an 'x' in the box.

So, what’s the takeaway?

It’s easy to think that the signals you are sending are clear to the other person or that you’re properly understanding everyone else’s signals, but that’s not realistic. It’s worth taking time to think about what signals you believe indicate someone wants to be friends and the signals you rely on to find friends and to maintain friendships.