The Friend Manual: How to make friends when you're bad at it

The longer you live on the earth, the more times you will experience interruptions in friendships due to big things happening. Everyone has big things happen. Maybe they need to go somewhere different, like off to another college. Or maybe they have to go on a personal quest or discover a new belief system or have health issues or get into a serious relationship or they get impacted by sociopolitical/economic stuff.

And if you can’t go with them, then it can cause stress on your end because they are off somewhere metaphorically where you can’t access them like you used to be able to.

It’s easier to notice the distance when you are the one that is left behind.

I can feel it when someone has gone off on a journey without me, especially if it’s a journey that I can’t follow.

But, when I am the person embarking on a new journey, it can often feel like I am doing the exact same thing I’ve always done. I’m still the SAME person, so why aren’t other people the same too? Why does it feel like they’ve disappeared or like they’re just…well…farther away…all the time?

In the moment, I know I’ve been busy dealing with the BIG THING, but when I can look up and do friend things, I find myself struggling to connect. And maybe other people are telling me that they’ve been trying to connect as well, but I’ve not been there in the way they are expecting. But I have been. I’m the SAME person. Right?

But.

Probably not…

But…why?

NOW! A fun little diagram series to help visualize how I might experience a friendship when something big in my life (a.k.a. a BIG THING!) is happening.

THE BIG THING! CONUNDRUM

My Experience During BIG THING! **Oh look, it’s a cohesive experience. Totally normal, nothing to see.

Before BIG THING! **Look how lovely and aligned we are!! Friends forever!

During/After BIG THING! **Oh no! Where did they go? Why do they keep disappearing?

How it might have actually occurred: * * Oops! I’m already drifting before the big thing happened because life was sending me in a new direction?

During/After BIG THING! * * Oh. I guess I went on a whole journey where my friend wasn’t invited. No wonder I felt isolated. We were too far away to connect with each other.

What if my friend had BIG THING at the same time?: * * Oh geez… that’s a mess.

I love diagrams.

This diagram series actually helped me several times in the past week or so.